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Hello, I'm Neoticc, and here's my vent


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I just wanna say that I have Grade 4 Brain cancer 2 years ago during 2020. I have gone through 2 Surgeries for the tumor and I'm undergoing chemotherapy for the cancer since last year September. I'll be doing 6 cycles and now I'm ending my fifth cycle of chemotherapy. The pug server is the only server where I could strive and be happy. I do have setbacks sometimes due to my condition. After all, I found out I had brain cancer during my last year of school (17 Years Old) and I couldn't pursue my dreams for Rugby sports, and due to my condition being weak I can't work, So I'm stuck at home all day bored out trying to figure out what to do. To be honest I have been struggling with my mental health since I was 13. Girlfriends doesn't do it at all. All I had was rugby and Games. But due to surgeries, I couldn't pursue rugby, I also couldn't pursue my studies early to become an English teacher in Malaysia due to my condition. I have to finish my Chemotherapy. And even though after finishing my chemotherapy there is a slight chance that the cancer will come back and be active to fuck up my life, and to make it more worse I still have a tumor in my brain and I might have to go to another brain surgery. Right now, all I got is my girlfriend of 8 months and Games, But recently I had a setback of emotions. because I'm tired and sick of hearing things like I can get through this because I'm young. BUT HELLO I'M LOSING ONE OF THE BEST PHASES A YOUNG ADULT COULD HAVE, and every time I open social media, I always see my classmates, sports mates and friends pursuing their dreams easily, while I'm here at home doing shit nothing. I am tired of all of this shit trying to hang on to this never ending pain of this fucking treatment. My hands shake all the time due to the brain surgeries and chemo. I'm just fucking tired. My parents think that I'm having the time of my life with games and sitting at home but that's not true. I wanna go out and do fun stuff but I'm stuck at home due to my condition. My girlfriend brings me out once in a while to watch movies and I'm so grateful for her to come into my life. So fucking grateful. For all my life, I have been so unknown to the fact that my parents think that I have escaped death but the truth is. I have been chasing it the whole time trying to finally end this pain and suffering. I'm nauseous and in pain all the time and the funny part is I used to like pain but now it's incomprehensible. Like it's just too much. I have had girlfriends since I was 13. I had been cheated on, almost had sex a couple of times, drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes and vape. And here I am wasting away one of the most important part of one's life to explore new things and activities but I can't due to my condition. So here I am stuck in my nauseating room, thinking on what should I do to make myself feel okay for once, to feel healthy, to feel content with my life. I just don't know anymore. I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. I have never been so stuck in this god awful hell of a loop on what to do every time I wake up. I just don't know anymore.... I just don't know what to do anymore with my life. I'm just stuck.
I'll link up my phone number, twitter and Instagram if you're interested in my life. 
Phone Number : +60196447473
Instagram : @neoticc_
Twitter : @neoticc_scum

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Hey bud, hope you are recovering from your past traumatic experience. I always see you play on the PUG server and helping out the admins by doing a !report on the toxic players. We are still improving our pug server and will do the best we can to provide gamers like you a better gaming environment. Feel free to hang around in the discord server can make some friends.

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